When I came back to the United States after two years away, it felt both familiar and foreign. I am five years into nomading, and those two years had been a period of big change for me and for my friends. I dropped into San Diego, Chicago, and New York eager to reconnect. I stayed with people I love, and while I liked visiting, I began to notice something surprising.
As I slipped into their homes, I also slipped into their lives. I walked dogs at dawn. I timed conversations around nap schedules. I sat at kitchen tables stacked with bills and baby bottles. It was beautiful to be close to them again, but I could feel their responsibilities pressing into my own days. After a while I started to ask myself: why do we take on so much weight, and is this the only way to find purpose?
Finding Purpose in Responsibility
Children, pets, homes, and careers are not just obligations. For many people, they are sources of meaning.
Children bring joy and challenge. Research shows parents often experience greater meaning in their daily lives even when they feel stress and exhaustion. In countries with strong family support systems, parenthood is linked to higher happiness and well-being 1.
Pets offer emotional support, structure, and companionship. A dog or cat can feel like family and provide daily connection 2.
Houses represent stability and identity. Owning a home can anchor someone in a community. At the same time, research shows housing costs and mortgage debt often cause anxiety and affect mental health 3.
Careers give structure and status. A job can be a source of pride and purpose. Yet many people work mainly to pay bills or service debt. When work aligns with personal values it feels fulfilling. When it does not, it feels like a cage.
Purpose or Social Script
The deeper question is whether people take on these responsibilities because they truly want them or because society expects them to.
In many cultures, adulthood is defined by milestones.
✔️Climb the career ladder.
✔️Get married
✔️Have children
✔️Buy a home
These markers fuel consumer economies but they also teach people to define their worth by external things.
Psychologists call this extrinsic motivation. Studies show that people who tie identity to possessions or social status report lower well-being and higher anxiety 4.
By contrast, intrinsic goals such as growth, relationships, and contribution are strongly linked to happiness.
Self Determination Theory explains that people flourish when three basic needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness 5. A child, a pet, a home, or a career can nurture those needs if they are chosen authentically, but if they are adopted by default they end up being more draining.
The happiest people are not necessarily those with families or those who travel (life is never cut and dry). They are the ones who create purpose on their own terms and have the freedom to live it.
The Nomad Counterpoint
Nomads seek purpose differently. Instead of permanence, we create meaning from freedom, novelty, and variety.
Experiential variety matters. Studies show that people who experience more diversity in their daily environments report higher positive moods. Their brains also show stronger activation in areas linked to learning and reward 6.
Time affluence matters too. Research shows people feel happier when they have discretionary time. Buying time by outsourcing chores or choosing fewer possessions improves happiness more than buying material goods 7.
Nature also plays a role. Just two hours a week outdoors in green spaces is linked with better health and well-being 8. Many nomads design their lives around access to beaches, mountains, or parks.
Nomads often draw purpose from self discovery, travel, and global community. Yet freedom can feel hollow without grounding, just as responsibility can feel heavy without choice.
The Tension
Settled life offers meaning through caregiving and stability, but it can trap people in obligations they never consciously chose. Nomad life offers freedom and variety, but it can become lonely or rootless without community.
Neither lifestyle is automatically better. The dividing line is whether the life is chosen with intention.
Are you raising children because it feels like your calling, or because it was the next step everyone expected?
Do you own a home because you love it, or because society measures success in square footage?
Are you traveling the world because it lights you up, or because you are afraid of standing still?
The Weight That Matters
Responsibility is not the enemy. Freedom is not the enemy. Both can be containers for meaning. What matters is whether the weight we carry reflects our own values or simply society’s script.
Choose your happy. Stroller or a suitcase? Mortgage or a plane ticket? We all carry something, but the question is if we are carrying the right thing.
Check the Weight You Carry
Take ten minutes this week and reflect on these questions:
Which responsibilities in my life give me energy, and which ones drain me?
Am I carrying these roles because I chose them, or because they were expected of me?
If I set one responsibility down tomorrow, what would I gain and what would I lose?
Where do I find purpose from within (values, growth, contribution), and where do I rely on external markers like possessions, roles, or approval?
If I designed my life around weight I actually want to carry, what would it look like?
References
Glass, J., Simon, R. W., & Andersson, M. A. (2016). Parenthood and Happiness: Effects of Work-Family Reconciliation Policies in 22 OECD Countries. American Journal of Sociology.
Brooks, H. L. et al. (2018). The Power of Support from Companion Animals for People Living with Mental Health Problems. BMC Psychiatry.
Dotsikas, K. et al. (2022). Trajectories of Housing Affordability and Mental Health. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology.
Dittmar, H., Bond, R., Hurst, M., & Kasser, T. (2014). The Relationship Between Materialism and Personal Well-Being: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Vansteenkiste, M., Ryan, R. M., & Soenens, B. (2020). Basic Psychological Need Theory: Advancements, Critical Themes, and Future Directions. Motivation and Emotion.
Heller, A. S. et al. (2020). Experiential diversity in daily life is associated with positive affect and hippocampal–striatal connectivity. Nature Neuroscience.
Whillans, A. V. et al. (2017). Buying Time Promotes Happiness. PNAS.
White, M. P. et al. (2019). Spending at least 120 minutes a week in nature is associated with good health and wellbeing. Scientific Reports.
